Pillow Fort
by SilenceintheLibrary13
Summary: Just-for-fun one shot. This is my alternate ending to episode 3.06 (Money Maker). Hope has rejected Maura, and Jane attempts to cheer Maura up by building her a pillow fort. Kinda fluffy, if you're into that kind of thing.
_"I found a way to make you_

 _I found a way_

 _A way to make you smile"_

-R.E.M., "At My Most Beautiful"

When Maura called Jane that night, she was crying too hard to speak intelligibly. Jane had asked her twice to repeat herself, hopping on one foot to pull her boot on, but finally gave up and just said, "I'm on my way." She grabbed her gun and broke just about every traffic law on the books in her haste to get to Maura's house, terrified of what she might find. Had someone broken in? Had one of Paddy's enemies, or friends for that matter, come after her? Was the house trashed, or a gun to Maura's head, or some unimaginable horror?

What she found instead was Maura, alone and (physically) unharmed, in her perfectly tidy house. The tears were because Maura had finally told Dr. Hope Martin that she was her biological daughter, and Hope had, inexplicably, taken it very badly. And Jane had _liked_ her at first.

Also, Cailin did not want a sister, and she'd apparently rather die than have Maura's kidney in her body. Ungrateful little bitch.

So Jane mopped up Maura's tears, as she'd grown accustomed to doing, and even got her to smile eventually. She was shocked to hear what had happened, and _very_ angry with the guilty parties, but she was secretly glad that Maura wouldn't be giving a kidney away after all. She didn't like the thought of people cutting into Maura and taking out one of her organs, or the thought of Maura's lengthy recovery process after surgery, or the thought of Maura going through life with one big, fragile kidney. Yes, she knew it would probably be fine. Most kidney donors didn't have any health complications, and as long as they didn't play contact sports (which Maura already didn't), the remaining kidney usually stayed safe from harm. But still. Jane was a big fan of organ donation and all, but she was also a big fan of keeping Maura intact. Maura was top priority. Maura was _always_ top priority.

Maura, finally composed, gathered all her used tissues and threw them away in the kitchen before returning to the couch. Jane smiled at her, an idea forming in her head.

"You know," she told Maura, "a bad day like this really calls for a pillow fort."

"A pillow fort?" Maura looked at her, eyes wide. "I…I've never had a pillow fort."

"You never even built one when you were a kid?"

Maura shook her head. "I don't think my parents would have liked me using pillows for that."

Jane looked at Maura, imagining her as a kid. It wasn't hard. She was probably exactly the same, only smaller, with a little less knowledge packed into that giant brain. And a lot less happy, because apparently she was never allowed to have any fun. No wonder she got excited about weird things like barely digested stomach contents.

Jane was filled with the overwhelming urge to take Maura to an amusement park and buy her cotton candy, maybe win her a giant stuffed animal from one of those shooting games. She wanted to throw Maura into a giant ball pit and chase her around, wanted Maura to grab her hand on a scary ride. She wanted Maura to laugh, for once in her life, like a carefree child.

But for tonight, they were building a pillow fort.

"Well, I built them all the time with my brothers, so I'm a master pillow fort architect," Jane informed her. "We're going to need all the pillows." She got up and started gathering pillows from the couch and chairs. Maura helped, although she looked slightly alarmed.

"The living room's going to be a mess," Maura pointed out.

"It's okay. We'll put everything back when we're done. And I promise, it'll make you feel so much better."

"I already feel a lot better than I did before you got here." Maura flashed a grateful smile.

"You'll feel amazing once you're in the fort. Help me move the coffee table."

With the coffee table out of the way, Jane began arranging pillows, standing on end, in the shape of a rectangle. She balanced a few more pillows on top and adjusted everything until it looked perfect.

"Can I go in now?" Maura asked.

"Not yet. First you have to mentally prepare yourself."

Maura nodded, dead serious. "How?"

"Well, first, you can't take your phone in."

Maura hastily put her phone on the coffee table.

"Secondly, in your head you have to gather up everything that's bothering you: Hope, Cailin, anything else, just bundle it up and leave it out here. None of that can go in the fort with you. This is what the fort is protecting you from."

Maura closed her eyes and breathed deeply. When she opened her eyes again, a little gleam had appeared, and she smiled at Jane. "I'm ready."

Jane chuckled. "Okay, crawl in, very carefully so you don't knock the pillows down." Maura got down on the rug and crawled slowly into the fort. Jane waited a minute. "How are you feeling in there?"

"Lonely," was Maura's muffled reply.

"Do you want me to come in with you?"

"Yes."

Jane kicked off her boots, left her gun and phone on the coffee table, and crawled into the fort with Maura. She'd been quite a bit smaller the last time she did this; not knocking the whole thing down took some effort this time. She quickly realized that, when two adults get into a pillow fort, there is no room for personal space. She curled up next to Maura and found they were snuggling, by default, whether they wanted to or not.

Maura didn't seem to mind. She put her head on Jane's shoulder. Jane tentatively put an arm around her.

"Jane?" Maura murmured.

"Hmm?"

"You know the things I left out there?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad they didn't happen before I met you. I would have had to go through all this alone."

Jane softly touched Maura's hair, as she sometimes felt compelled to do. "You don't have to go through anything alone now. And I'm always happy to build you a pillow fort when you need one."

"No one's ever built me anything before."

"No one's done a lot of things they should have done for you."

Maura was quiet for a minute. "Is it because there's something wrong with me?" she asked, so quietly Jane almost thought she imagined it.

"No." Jane pulled her closer, wrapping both arms around her. " _No_. There is _nothing_ wrong with you. It's because people are stupid."

"But… _everyone_? Because, it's more logical to conclude that-"

"No, not everyone. Other people besides me have noticed how amazing you are. I think some of them actually keep their distance because they're intimidated by your intellect. So, they're not stupid, they're just…cowards."

"I don't actually believe you, but for tonight I'll pretend I do. At least in the pillow fort."

"Fine. Anyway, one hundred percent of pillow fort residents know you're amazing."

"Speak for yourself."

"Fine. Fifty percent of pillow fort residents know you're amazing, and the other fifty percent will figure it out someday."

"Can we stay here, tonight?"

"Sure."

"You'll stay with me?"

"Of course." She planted a kiss on Maura's forehead. "It'll do us both good. Believe it or not, there are people out there who hate me too."

"But no one can hate us in here."

"Never. Fifty percent of pillow fort residents love the other fifty percent very much." It seemed like a bold thing to say, but she was reasonably confident that Maura wouldn't take it the wrong way – or, more accurately, that she wouldn't take it the right way. In fact, she could feel Maura's smile against her neck.

"One hundred percent of pillow fort residents love each other," Maura murmured, putting her arms around Jane.

"It's a very happy community." Jane rested her face against the top of Maura's head. "So you like it in here?"

"Yes. It was a surprisingly good idea."

Jane laughed. "Shockingly, I do have good ideas once in a while."

They were quiet for a time, and Jane thought Maura must have fallen asleep, but then Maura started talking again.

"Remember on your birthday when Hoyt attacked us, and you killed him?"

"Whoa. That is not something I was expecting to come up in the pillow fort."

"Sorry."

"No, it's okay, I just…didn't really think we were going to talk about that."

"You never told me not to."

"No, I didn't, but it's been almost a year, and we haven't talked about it, so I just thought we weren't going to."

"I've just been wondering, this whole time, why you wouldn't look at me or talk to me right after it happened. You were yelling at Hoyt not to touch me, and then you got away from the prison guard and killed Hoyt, and then Frost and Korsak arrived."

"I know. I remember."

"I guess I expected you to help me up, and ask if I was okay. Which was a little silly because you were hurt too, but it seemed like what you would normally have done, even if you were hurt. I couldn't get up and go to you because he used the Taser on me, and you didn't come to me. Frost was the one who helped me up."

"I'm—I'm sorry, Maura. I should have."

"I'm not mad; I'm just curious. It was like you couldn't even look at me, like I'd done something wrong. Were you mad that I didn't do more, to try to save you?"

" _No_. It's not that at all. I couldn't look at you because I was ashamed."

"Of what?"

"Of letting Hoyt trick me _again_ , and of putting you in danger. He could have really hurt you, and it would have been my fault for bringing you with me."

"I _wanted_ to come."

"I still could have told you not to. Better yet, I shouldn't have gone at all. I walked right into his trap, and you were with me, and I just wasn't ready to look at first."

"At what?"

"At you. At how he…cut you."

"It wasn't a bad cut. He did the same thing to you."

"Which is bad enough. It shouldn't have happened to you too."

"You saved me though. You overpowered two men with your hands tied. It was quite impressive."

"I'm glad you think so, but can we talk about something else?"

"Okay." Maura thought for a minute. "Remember when you had to do emergency surgery on my leg in the woods?"

"With broken glass, yes. I nearly had a heart attack."

"But you did well, and it kept me from needing my leg amputated."

"Yes, fortunately it worked out okay."

"And tonight you built me a pillow fort."

"Yes. Because I'm awesome."

"You are. You saved my life, you saved my leg, _and_ you built me this."

Jane couldn't help but laugh. "Are those three things equal in your mind?"

"More or less."

"I think we need to work on your priorities."

"They all send the same message, don't they?"

"They do?"

"Yes. That you would do anything for me."

"Oh. Well, yeah, I guess I would." Jane realized she'd been rhythmically running her fingers through Maura's hair and stopped. It was time to back away now, to put some distance between them before Maura figured out how Jane really felt. But there wasn't anywhere to go in this tiny pillow fort. There wasn't anything to do but just keep holding Maura in her arms. _Yeah, pillow fort, great idea,_ she thought. _Why not get into a really confined space with Maura? Why the hell do I torture myself like this?_

"Jane," Maura said softly, her fingers lightly tracing a line down Jane's back.

"Yeah?"

"You're the only person who's ever been willing to do _anything_ for me. Why?"

"I told you, Maura—people are stupid."

"No, I don't mean why _won't_ other people. I mean why _will_ you?"

"Because…you're my best friend. That's what best friends do."

Maura sighed. "I suppose."

"Why do you sound disappointed? You do plenty for me too."

"I'd do anything. Just like you would."

"So why do you even need to ask why?"

Maura pulled back a little to look at Jane in what light they had from the fort's opening. Jane was surprised by the intensity of her expression.

"You okay?" Jane asked. She reached reflexively to touch Maura's face, quickly catching herself and starting to retract her hand before Maura caught it in her own.

"Don't do that," Maura said, lifting Jane's hand to her face.

"Do what?" Jane's heart was hammering in her chest. Maura was going to notice. She couldn't make it stop; there wasn't anywhere to go. _Damn this stupid fort_.

"Start to touch me and then stop yourself. You do it all the time. I get hopeful and then…"

"Hopeful?" Jane was starting to feel lightheaded. _If I faint, she'll go into doctor mode and this whole conversation will be forgotten_ , she thought, feeling a little hopeful herself.

Maura let go of Jane's hand and touched her fingertips to Jane's face, tracing her features. Then her eyes closed and she moved forwards, pressing her lips to Jane's. At first Jane was so astonished, she didn't even kiss her back. _This can't be real_ , she thought. _Maybe I_ did _pass out_.

But no, it was real, and now Maura was starting to pull back, thinking Jane didn't like it. Now her feelings would be hurt, and she'd had quite enough hurt feelings for one night. Jane wasn't going to let them be hurt any more. She pulled Maura back and kissed her soundly, putting two years of repressed emotions behind it. Maura, surprised, made a small noise in her throat, threading her fingers into Jane's hair. Finally Jane pulled back, gasping for air.

"I asked because I hoped your real reason was the same as mine," Maura told her. "You told me to leave the things that were bothering me outside. One of those things was the fear that you couldn't love me back."

Jane's heart stopped. This was impossible. For two years she'd be telling herself it was impossible. She'd been watching Maura date men, had been trying—well, sort of trying—to have her own relationships with men because this, this sweetness with Maura, was _not possible_.

"Maura," she said gently, putting her hand on Maura's shoulder in what she hoped was a _friend_ ly way. "You're incredible, and anyone would be lucky to have you, but right now you're just hurt, and you need to feel like someone loves you, and I _do_ love you, but—"

"But not the way I love you." Maura started to cry again and tried to turn away before realizing there wasn't enough room to turn away. Instead she just pulled her arms from around Jane and covered her face.

 _Fuck_ , thought Jane. It was bad enough when someone else made Maura cry, but at least then Jane could be the one who made her feel better, which was nice. But being the person who made Maura cry? _That_ was unbearable.

"Maura, no. Come here." She took Maura's hands in hers. "You really feel this way about me? For how long?"

"I realized it when we weren't talking to each other. I missed you so much, and I realized you'd become more than a friend to me. It has nothing to do with what happened tonight."

Jane nodded, calculating. "I knew when we found out Paddy was your father. You were so worried about what was in your DNA, and all I could think about was that you were perfect to me, no matter where you came from. I still believe that."

Maura's sniffling stopped. "So…you do love me the same way?"

Jane took a deep breath. _If I cross this line, I can't go back_ , she told herself. "Yes," she admitted. "I…yes. I do."

Maura's face lit up. "I think I could make you happy," she whispered. Suddenly she launched herself at Jane, kissing her and rolling so that she was on top of her, which caused the pillow fort to collapse on them.

"After all my hard work," Jane groaned in mock displeasure. Maura just laughed, pushing a pillow off of her head. Damn, this felt good, having Maura in her arms like this. There was no way she could ever go back. This, she realized, was what she had been afraid of, her reason for hiding her feelings for so long. She wasn't afraid of rejection, because she knew Maura wouldn't have outright rejected her. Maura wasn't like other people; she didn't get hung up on the things that ruined friendships for most people. Had she known Jane was in love with her and been unable to reciprocate, it wouldn't have changed how she felt about Jane, or how she interacted with her. Jane knew that, had always known that, deep inside. No, Jane's greatest fear had been of this very moment: the irrevocable, life-altering change that was sure to take place if Maura did reciprocate. She was afraid of her life no longer meaning what it used to. She was afraid of no longer caring what it used to mean.

Jane had been in relationships before. She had cared about other people before. But she had never been completely lost in another person, and she had, before Maura, prided herself on being the sort of person that just didn't happen to.

"I don't think sleeping in the pillow fort is going to work out," Maura said softly, still smiling. "Would you like to come upstairs with me?"

"Dr. Isles, are you inviting me into your bed?"

"Well, it's not like you've never slept in my bed before."

"So you just want to sleep?" She didn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed.

"Well." Maura blushed. "Actually, I could go either way, so it's really up to you. I'm going to go ahead and brush my teeth, okay?" She kissed Jane's cheek and got up, practically scampering up the stairs.

Jane sat up and touched the place on her cheek where Maura's lips had been, looking around at the scattered pillows that Maura had, shockingly, not bothered to clean up. _I am so lost_ , she thought; but, as she had feared, she couldn't bring herself to care.

She went upstairs.


End file.
